It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
