I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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