I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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