Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
