i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
