I need to stop coming to work sober
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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