So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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