a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Michael Bay diarrhea
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
