No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Just pee around me
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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