Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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