i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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