there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
