Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
