WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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