home. puking in laundry basket.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
