Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
