Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
