it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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