I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
