i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
