I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
