ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
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