Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
