conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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