How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
