We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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