i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
