'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
