The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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