Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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