I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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