How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
