Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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