I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
