We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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