girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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