it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
