please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
