would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
