Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
