You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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