Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
