she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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