Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
