I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
