worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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