My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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