Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
