he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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