i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
