Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
