Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
