i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
