The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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