I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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