My nipple is on Facebook.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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