We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
