ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
