i jhust puked up my retainher.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
