How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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