Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
