we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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