Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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