I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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