im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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