to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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