im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
