I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I think my moral compass just broke
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
