Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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