Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
